If you had the option to live together with your boyfriend/girlfriend before you get married, would you?
I've been getting rather mixed views on the topic so I'm curious to know what the general sentiment is like.
If you're family, don't get excited. I have no plans to cohabit.
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- Debs
- Blessed, content and learning more about life every day. Passionate about travelling and aim to see as much of the world as I can in this lifetime! :) Very thankful and glad for all the perfectly amazing people I have met over the years.
8 comments:
I do and I'd advise anyone in a serious, long-term relationship who had the means and desire to cohabit to go for it.
The keys to cohabiting success lay in cold, harsh realities, not fluffy romance. Can you afford all the bills that it brings? Is your relationship ready for such a move? And are you willing to compromise to make it all work for you as a couple?
Mind you, what do you expect from someone who runs a cohabiting blog? :)
Hey Ian! Thanks for your feedback. :)
I had a lecturer who has cohabited with his de facto partner for over 30 years. They plan to get married on their 40th year together and reason "How many grandchildren can say that they attended their grandparents' wedding?" Cohabiting definitely works for some. :)
I believe that a healthy relationship is built on love, mutual respect, understanding and a balance between give and take. Personally I believe as long as a couple share this view and their core values, things will work out.
Having said that, I'm one of those who thinks that cohabiting is not for me. As they say, different strokes for different folks! :D
Well... religion aside (because really, there in no point in arguing the religious perspective here) I'd think one key argument against moving in together is independence.
As much as we love someone, there are times where we need to just be with nobody but ourselves, maybe to reflect or just to chill.
Indeed, over commitment is a common cause for relationships - and even marriages - to fail in that a party invest so much in a relationship to the point where they neglect their own needs and become increasingly miserable.
So in that respect, not moving in together offers the best of both worlds, where you can still have a life together, staying in one or the others place but still have a place that is yours alone, a sanctury to return to, when the need arises.
Tho personally, i see it as more of a progression. Say a relationship comes to a mature plateu, a point where a couple find that they want to commit the rest of their lives together but for socio-economic reasons they can't marry, why shoudn't they cohabit?
hi debs! haha how odd that the first time i visit your blog i find something that is er sort of related to me.
just my two cents' worth: i agree with what ian here said, it's about reality, not just romance. after all, you wouldn't buy a pair of shoes without trying them on first, no? :P
ok perhaps that's hardly the best metaphor in the world but i think the gist of it is there. living together, whether you intend on getting married or not, strips away the unrealistic expectations so many of us have about things being all wine and roses just because of 'love'. it's something i would do (and intend on doing haha).
of course, like you also said, different strokes for different folks :) there are also other things to factor in, like personal beliefs, values, (and i use this word with a wince) culture, etc etc.
Nicholas: That is a very insightful comment. I definitely agree that the two individuals in a relationship need their own space at times. Not moving in together provides that buffer. Especially if in the event a couple finds themselves to be incompatible and want to break it off... living together will be awkward, to say the least.
Just wondering about the not being able to marry for socio-economic reasons bit. Are you referring to the event as in the big wedding dinner etc? Because if a couple just does a civil registry it shouldn't cost much. Or are you referring to the issue of marriage in Malaysia between a muslim and a non-muslim?
Meldee: Relationships are definitely not all wine and roses. Sometimes people forget that. Its good to look at things from a practical perspective. Ie Who does which household chores, do you maintain separate bank accounts etc.
I think about these things and more and always discuss them with my other half. As long as each person in the relationship knows and understands each others' expectations, getting married without cohabiting shouldn't be an issue. :)
When are you coming back to Melb? Is Tim still in Gipps? Also, out of curiosity, how would your family react if you moved in with Tim?
I reckon my family would be okay if I cohabited because a couple of my cousins have already done so and are at present, happily married. The shock factor of cohabiting has definitely worn off somewhat.
Socio-Economic can be anything really... Point is, if for some reason you can't marry...
Nicholas: Ah.. :) Point taken.
Nicholas: Great point about over-commitment.
By chance, it's something I wrote about only a couple of weeks ago (10 things you need to live together successfully), when I also touched on the things debs mentions in response to meldee about paying bills/household chores.
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